Sunday, March 24, 2019

Another quarter, another...quarter?

And just like that, Winter Quarter 2019 is done. Two quarters down, one-third of my PhD coursework completed, over 54% of core classes finished...ok, enough with the statistics. At least for the next week - oh wait, that's a lie. I'll definitely be doing some statistics next week.



The quarter system is a weird, wild ride. Our professors shove a typical semester's 13-15 weeks of material into 10 weeks of class time and course work, taunting our minds and sleep schedules to stretch and shrink respectively. Throw in a snow day (or week, as Seattle did this year), and suddenly what was already a precarious timetable goes totally topsy-turvy. One professor recalibrates expectations, extending deadlines and shifting class foci; others charge ahead, recording lectures to supplement lost days and providing additional office hours to offset diminished face time. The quarter system can offer some great benefits - the ability to enroll in a greater variety and total number of courses, the opportunity to take a quarter off to do xyz without wreaking total havoc on timelines, among others. The quarter system also can be your foe - pushing, pushing, pushing until something gives, and that something is usually you.

About 5 or so weeks into this past quarter I gave. The days were flying by and while my colleagues and classmates were at least seemingly keeping apace, I felt sluggish and increasingly worried about falling behind. New concepts and equations and code swirled around my head without settling anywhere, an experience that shook me as I've relied on my brain and its swift uptake of information for decades. The isolating cycle of studying, coding, and doing homework alone left me desperately craving social interaction, but whenever I spent time with friends and people outside of work or school, I felt like I was watching my own social trainwreck from afar. Words were thick and clumsy, jokes wouldn't land, and I couldn't keep track of anyone's stories or updates anymore. Nothing felt good, everything felt out of reach.

Though no magical life 180 followed a a tear-laden meeting with my faculty advisor in mid-February, various bits and bobs gradually started to come together. I worked on a couple of group projects where I finally felt more useful and effective, slowly rebuilding some confidence in my head and brain capacities. I tackled some outstanding data processing needs for my research one weekend, and threw myself into a coding project the next - and even got an R Shiny app with Sankey diagrams to work! I spent more time with longstanding friends and new grad school ones alike, adding new layers and strength to the Seattle community I hold so dear. I began to haul myself out on some painfully slow runs, and started wobbling through some push-up and ab routines again. While the last month has been far from smooth sailing (e.g., I got pretty sick last weekend right before and then during finals, which ultimately led me to cancel a trip back East to see my nephew, brother, and sister-in-law so I could fully recover), I increasingly feel like I'm back at the rudder of my own ship. At least for now.

Today I learned...
Overtime in the NHL now stipulates 3-on-3 (plus goalies) sudden death play rather than the full squad. How exciting (and unexpected).

Today I'm grateful for...
Spending time with great people, of past and present Seattle. I got the chance to have dinner with Allie last night, I spent a couple of hours in Fremont with Chloe and Molly this afternoon, and I had dinner with Brooks in Capitol Hill tonight. I'm also grateful for the chance to rest and recuperate over the last few days; from sleeping 15 hours on Thursday to Friday morning and taking a full break from work and school, it's made a massive difference. My total A-game remains a bit illusive (i.e., my ear infection hasn't fully cleared and I'm still pretty drained), but I'm getting there.

Today's best part was...
Doing a meet-and-greet for two delightful, goofy weimaraners I'll be dogsitting April 6-7. Luke and Luna brought me so much joy.

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