Friday, April 19, 2019

When it rains it pours (and opens doors)

I woke up this morning with Train's "When I Look to the Sky" in my head, a song I haven't heard or even thought about in years, as in years. Given this diddy came out in 2003, it literally could be 10-15 aƱos.

Trying to understand why this earworm suddenly lodged itself in my mind this morning seems pretty fruitless - especially since I've been up since 5 am to work out (finally got back to 3x15 pushup sets without wanting to cry) and start writing up paper feedback for a colleague. But maybe that's something I'm also learning: when or how to better pick my battles - and when or how to let things go.

Maybe it's age, maybe it's the PhD program - maybe it's a combination of the two, finally forcing me to take a step back, maybe even two, and carve out time to reflect.

On where I've been, where I am today, and where various paths could take me in the future.

On friendships and relationships lost and gained, and what I can do today to remedy lingering regrets.

On how I want to contribute to the world, and what I'm willing to forgo in order to craft the future I want. I increasingly don't have the energy or interest in working myself to the bone - particularly at the expense of important friendships and/or relationships in my life - even if that means I might not "go as far" in my career.

On enjoying the little things, and making the best of whatever life throws my way.

     When it rains it pours and opens doors and floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry...
     And as I float along this ocean I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go
     'Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me, and you make everything alright
     And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me, and I can always find my way when you're here...

     Whether I am up or down or in or out or just plane overhead, instead it just feels impossible to fly
     But with you I can spread my wings, to see me over everything that life may send me when I am hoping it won't pass me by... 




Today I learned...
More about the upcoming Bioko Island malaria vaccine field trial - a very exciting development for malaria control and elimination programs! I didn't realize PfSPZ could provide up 100% efficacy (I truly thought someone had said otherwise), so I definitely need to read up more on this intervention...

Today I'm grateful for...
The lessons that come with time, and how life has a funny way of helping you out, helping you out (yes, I'm also bringing Alanis into this 90s-early 00s lyric fest).

Today's best part was...
(Dr!) Sarah Hanson successfully defended her dissertation today! It was phenomenal to see what she's done and to reflect on how she truly was the trailblazer for all of us global health metrics doctoral students at UW. What. a. rockstar.


Thursday, April 11, 2019

Of doctoral delight and doom

Because sometimes, the completely unnecessary purchase - particularly for someone on a grad student budget - seems priceless when you know it will it put a smile on your face whenever you see it...which would typically be at least 2-3 times a day...and if you assume an y increase in happiness per x rise in smiles...ok, I'll stop. For now.


I imagine this isn't a unique experience (at all [?]), but wow, PhD life is so odd. The last few weeks have been great, as in actually great: I'm making progress on analyses and manuscripts, my classes are interesting, and some exciting opportunities or side projects are percolating through the pipelines. I'm also sleeping more, working out with greater regularity, and eating healthier - all of which are undoubtedly contributing to feeling great. I mean, I still don't know what I'm doing this summer, let alone for my next research assistantship assignment - and I'm truly, genuinely not stressed out by that uncertainty (or at least not yet, knockonallthewood). 

One, definitely two months ago and I wouldn't have recognized the person I feel like right now, as I was at best floundering. I want to hold to this for as long as possible, this sense of calm and heightened confidence, or at least try maximize it. But I know it's likely fleeting, as this ride is called Of Doctoral Delight and Doom, and the ups can't be ups without the downs.

Today I learned...
How to properly (correction: potentially properly) implement the survey R package and thus finish my homework the day before it was due. One of my goals this quarter is to work on (and complete) homework assignments well before their due date so then I have more time to go to office hours, lab, etc. and actually ask meaningful questions instead of winging it at the last minute.

Today I'm grateful for...
Coworkers who are willing to go to bat for me and/or help me with particular projects, class or work or otherwise. I feel so lucky that I get to be surrounded by such generous - and brilliant - people.

Today's best part...
Is knowing that I have really tasty leftovers for dinner when I get home (i.e., cashew chicken from Molly Gilbert's One Pan & Done). This whole dinner-in nights (DINs) has been a smashing success thus far, and - gasp - I'm enjoying making dinner for myself slash Kelly.